Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I Hate Bra Shopping

I hate bra shopping.
Let me make that perfectly clear. I hate bra shopping.
For me, it's never a trip to the frilly Woman Cave, caressing all that satin and elastic and hardware. It's torture. They don't fit, they're expensive, and I'd rather just go without one.
But I can't, having a fantastic figure as I do.
Cranky had a discount coupon for the local discount store. He wanted a new pair of sneakers. He goes out every morning for his coffee socializing, and he thought he'd just swing by the store.
"Anything I could get you?" he thoughtfully asked.
"Yes, get me a bra," I whispered. It was a joke, sorta, but I really did want him to come home with a perfect bra for me. Like that could ever happen. You ever go bra shopping? I hate bra shopping. It's never perfect.
Cranky didn't get any shoes, but he actually went into the lingerie department (there was nobody else there, so he didn't feel too furtive) and rummaged around for my size. Ohjeez, I forgot to tell him I prefer underwire. And none of that foam "shaping" stuff.
OMG, Cranky came home with TWO bras, one pink and one white. The saleswoman bantered with him, saying it would not be possible to fit a bra for an absent female. He said it was really just a joke, and we would return them if they were wrong.
Amazingly, they fit very well. Somehow, even the shoulder straps were adjusted perfectly for my frame. I just put one on, and... it worked.
I sent him back to get his shoes. They're very good!
Cranky is elated.

21 comments:

Veggie Gnome said...

Blimey! Could you send him out for me, too, please? I hate bra shopping with a vengeance!

Hungry Dog said...

I hate bra shopping too. They often look nice on the hanger but turn into a totally different animal when you put them on. They almost NEVER fit, even if they say they're your size. It's depressing.

Dahlia said...

I usually read your posts for 1) the simple, good, non-fancy-schmancy food ideas, and 2) the pith. But this totally cracked me up. Go, Cranky!

Little Pots & Pans Co. said...

Huge kudos to Cranky! I can't imagine my SO trying to describe my size ("hmmm, they're about *this* big")

As another tough to fit gal (I'm with you on the padding, I've-got-my-own-shape-thank-you), I broke down and had Nordstrom's fit me. The saleswoman spent an hour with me trying various styles, cuts, etc. I walked out with three and have kept to the brand/style since. It was worth a little extra time and expense, as I too cannot abide by pinching or squishing, I run around too much!

cookiecrumb said...

Veggie Gnome: I know! When he went back to get his cool shoes, he told the saleswoman it had been a success. All the other ladies in line said, "As if my husband could buy me a bra!" Totally, it was a fluke.

Hey Doggie: I could probably write a whole bra blog. Sad.

Dahlia: I should rent him out! But he'd have to "assess" your tit size. He'd like that; you might not.

Little Pots: This was a Playtex. I have never bought a Playtex; it's so my mother's generation. Wow, kinda Mad Men! Pointy. :)
I should swallow the shame and get a fitting. Blush.

cookiecrumb said...

36C, SINCE YOU ASKED

Southern Cookie said...

Bravo! Chalk one up for Cranky! Really cute choice, too. Guess you owe him a good home cooked meal... with you for dessert!
The Bufatsa would never do that. I think it's the trauma of having raised 3 daughters and being formerly married for over 20 years. He said he was in a swamp of estrogen for too long to even walk into a lingerie department. Bras and tampons are definitely off his shopping lists.

Zoomie said...

That Cranky! Is there anything he won't attempt?? Bravo! I'd love to have been there when he described your figure to the salesperson!

Ms Brown Mouse said...

I used to hate bra shopping, because they never had pretty bras in my size. Then I discovered a certain american brand and .... well, I buy a lot of bras, pretty, pretty bras :)

SimplyStated said...

So true! I rate bra shopping right up there with having to by something off the automotive aisle and standing in line at post office. CRANKY RULES!

cookiecrumb said...

Southern Cookie: I think a guy might rather buy tampons than a bra. But Cranky was having an awfully good time with the saleswoman.
Your poor bloke; it's true, they do get a bit drowned in all that estrogen.

Zoomie: I imagine it went like this: "Really skinny with bodacious tatas." He got a huge charge out of the experience.

Mouse: Is it Wacoal? Those are very special.

Simply: And he got TWO, so I won't have to fret for twice as long.

namastenancy said...

OhMyGod - Cranky is Da Man! Bra shopping and they fit? WOW!
I hate bra shopping as well and my difficulties are compounded by the back that I have what could politely be called a generous figure.

cookiecrumb said...

Nancy: You have what I would call a "splendid figure."
I'm thinking, what if, just what if bra manufacturers (or their PR side) caught a whiff of this post and learned how much we are appalled by the experience? Would anything change for the better? Probably not, because the CEOs are men.

Cali said...

I hate bra shopping too, but I forced myself to go in for a bra fitting @ Victoria's Secret last December after losing a LOT of weight. I discovered that I was wearing a band size six inches too big and a cup size three sizes too small! End result was I went from a 46C to a 40DDD! But only if it's a demi cup because I'm getting old and don't fill out the top of the cup anymore, and I can't stand to have a gap, even if it does hold my cell phone nicely. For comfort reasons I've settled on a 42DD. I can both fill that up AND breathe. But I still hate bra shopping as much as I hate the DMV, or maybe more.

cookiecrumb said...

Cali: I remember when I was young and believed I should wear a 34B, because that's what my mom wore. A friend suggested I try 32 C (I was really skinny) and omg, it worked. I think that's an important part about professional fittings, to get you out of your rut. So, congratulations! Although I have heard stories of fittings going horribly wrong...
Happy bra shame. That's the best wish I can come up with.

Ms Brown Mouse said...

Nope, Fairform, I think (can't check the label right now).

cookiecrumb said...

Mouse: That sounds venerable, for some reason. I will look it up. And now I am thinking about your hoohahs.

Southern Cookie said...

How's your tomato ranch going this time of year? Just started my fall crops of veg. Wish I was in Aussie-land with the Veggie Gnome though! Ah, to have fresh green peas right now would be amazing!

cookiecrumb said...

S. Cookie: I didn't plant a garden this year. First time in ages, and it has been such a relief. We are actually about to buy a box of tomatoes to process.
Happy peas! Never grown those.

Denise | Chez Danisse said...

Okay, I'm sending my husband out to buy bras for me. I agree, it is not an enjoyable experience. Nothing like finding ripe fresh figs or some nifty new cheese...

cookiecrumb said...

Denise: Admittedly, it was long odds. Just so happy for the outcome. Funny, too! Let me know if your hubs does this. ;)