Sunday, June 06, 2010

Foos Kabobs

The latest Williams-Sonoma catalog arrived the other day, and there are some really, really stupid things in there for stupid, rich foodies.
Flexible skewers? {speechless}
A meatball grill basket? Yeah, a wire mesh contraption that flips open to reveal 12 meatball-sized indentations. After you grill the meat, though, they'll be only half the size they were when you put them in raw.
A bottle of creamsicle-flavored ice pop mix; just add milk and cream? $10 for 8 ounces, enough to make nine ice pops (using the Zoku Quick Pop maker, $50). People! Orange juice. It doesn't cost a lot. And you don't really want to freeze this Zoku device for at least 10 hours before you can begin, though you must. Nine pops will take three passes through the three-pop Zoku, which just might still be cold enough for the third batch.
But my favorite is this Calphalon pan for Foos Kabobs™, $130 ($100 online). You place the pan over two stovetop burners (and I thought kabobs were grilled outdoors; hm). It has slots along the sides of the pan to safely wedge your skewers into place, leaving enough airspace below them and the pan for you to be able to turn them now and then for even browning.
I'd have a couple of beers and be turning like crazy.
"My tomato murdered your green pepper. Score!"
Chandler and Joey would love it.


Ms Brown Mouse said...

Ha! I'll add those to the useless list, along with the avocado slicer, the boiled egg slicer and the cheese sliver. I have all those tools in one, it's called a knife!

Kailyn said...

Thank you for the image in my mind of your turning the kabobs. Priceless. But of course, one cannot fully load the skewers if one wants to get the feeling of playing the game, can one? One has to be able to slide as well as turn. Hmmm. Seems like there would have to be rules. "You cannot use a green pepper as the goalie."

kudzu said...

GO, Cookie! Snark queen. Love it.

And yes, perfect for Chandler and Joey.

Personally I have always been amused by the hamburger-shaping devices sold each summer, to make perfectly symmetrical (thin) burgers. Pffft.

Zoomie said...

Gotta have it! Not!

Zoomie said...

And where do they store all this stuff? Rich, dumb people must have huge kitchens.

The Spiteful Chef said...

I am pleased to say I have none of these things. Some shortcut stuff (i.e. my zojirushi bread maker and sort-of-matching rice cooker) are invaluable. Some other stuff (i.e. this stuff) are really, really stupid. Those are for people who call themselves "foodies" in public ;)

Greg said...

Cray Zee!What will they think of next?

Chilebrown said...

Hey, I do not have a meatball grill basket. Yet.

namastenancy said...

I have to say that I love browsing the Williams-Sonoma store here in SF - some people like to look at diamonds (well, me to) but for beautiful, but overpriced and often useless kitchen bling, WS takes the prize. Even their stuff on sale is expensive! But I like wandering through the store because I DO admire its design, the tableware and the shelves of gourmet goodies.

Hungry Dog said...

I love looking at those catalogs--with all the useful stuff there's always tons of ridiculous overpriced crap. I always wonder who buys it.

SallyBR said...

Please, allow me to share with you the ultimate in kitchen gadgets you cannot live without

(no need to thank me... ;-)

cookiecrumb said...

Mouse: I have an avocado slicer! It was free, but I stupidly still have it.

Kailyn: I gather that the bumps in the bottom of the pan are for "grill marks." Hah!

Kudzu: Oh, I got more.
Hay, this catalog has a tiny, square slider maker mold, so you can form tiny square burgers to cook in the slider grill basket. What did we ever do before?

Zoomie: Refrain yourself! Also, Cranky wanted to add the same exact line: where do they store it?

Spitey: I might have more gadgets than necessary, but most of this catalog is for -- yes -- "foodies."

Greg: They're thinking all the time. Lots of these stupid items are "exclusive" to W-S. They have an idiot factory.

Chilebrown: If you keep your excess kitchen equipment in a weatherproof shed out back, you may buy the meatball basket. (Ding! Not a bad idea.)

Nancy: The downtown flagship store is a reverential place, indeed. You can distract yourself from the sillier gadgets and peruse some serious stuff. Nothing wrong with that.

Dog: I used to fall for one or two things a year from that catalog, before I was a more natural cook. Now it's just funny.

Sally: No. Oh. Way! That is the most absurd extravagance in the world (no price tag, though). I'm still laughing.

butterface said...

Rich idiots are hilarious.

cookiecrumb said...

Butterface: Rich idiots are useful, because we gots to laff.
Nice to see you again. New name!

peter said...

She changed her name because she's a fugitive from justice. That, and she's trying to get some traffic to her smutty new "blog."

As for the gadgets, you can have my solar-powered hydraulic duck egg slicer when you pry it from my cold, dead hand. This is almost as idiotic as the drek you see in those Wine Enthusiast catalogs:

"Never get caught with sediment in your glass again by using our Tuscan Candling Alcove®, made from recycled barrel staves and Ornellaia crates, and featuring a backlit stained glass window depicting plump bunches of grapes. Only $499. Refill candles not included."

Dr. Alice said...

Cook's Illustrated gave a big thumbs down to the flexible skewers. They don't turn well when you try to flip them, and because the pointy ends stay cool that means that when you slide the cooked food off (if you have used chicken or other raw meat) it will contaminate the food, unless you clean off the end of the skewer first.

cookiecrumb said...

Dr. Alice: Horrors! I laugh; I just thought they were impractical, never thought about unsafe.

Mandy said...

Oh my goodness, I thought the same thing. It was the meatball grill basket that had me wondering who in the world would BUY that. And you are right, rich foodies with lots of storage space.

cookiecrumb said...

Hey, Mandy: I feel like I'm being terribly snarky, but W-S just makes it so easy for me! Fun.