Thursday, January 20, 2011

Old and in the Kitchen

Any day now I expect a visit from Elder Services. If there is any such department in my area.
They will come and crowbar my door open, and find me frantically crocheting a rainbow afghan, already too large for the couch, and still going.
They will find parakeets in cages, begging for clean water and seed, because I have forgotten to feed them.
They will find stacks of real newspapers. Real newspapers, with current dates. Because old people still read them. And forget to throw them out.
They will find old-fashioned food. Retro food, bless my old heart, but it looks... old. And when the eater is old, how can you tell that she's actually eating ironically? (A word I hate, but you will get my meaning.)
I'm just having fun, but Elder Services wonders whether I'd like a nice, modern tofu shake.
No, thanks. I'm having a salad with "French" dressing, the shocking orange glop with a shocking, throat-burning flavor. Poured from a bottle.
Of course I'm not! I hate bottled dressings. I tried to make an orange dressing with mayo, ketchup, buttermilk, and a little paprika and turmeric. I could not get a deep, saturated result. Fine, say I. (Old people talk this way.)
Here's a wonderful salad of lettuce, radishes and cherry tomatoes (from California), topped with what turned out to be a mild and lovely sauce.
So not old, I want it again, already.
Now, what is this FaceTube all the kids are talking about?


SimplyStated said...

Old and in the kitchen is the only way to be. As long as you remember to turn off the burners things are good. Old is also better because you can be a condiment and spice whore and not care.

The door of the fridge is supported by a plethora of free, tacky magnets we have collected over the years. When your old you don't have trendy,cute magnets you have "It-was-free-and-it-will-serve-the-purpose" magnets.

Old also means we put things up off the floor we drop, wash them off and continue onward and we have recipes written on paper stashed all over the kitchen.

We occasionally do the "Oops-forgot-I-put-water-in-the pan-for-tea" but that is why we have a smoke alarm. Old rules. And I refuse to tweet or facebook" anything.

cookiecrumb said...

Simply: OMG, you are so right about the refrigerator magnets! Hah!
You are right about everything.
Thank you, thank you.

Chilebrown said...

When they throw you in the Marin Loony Tune Bin (Don't you get a get of a jail free card with your zip code?),would you, could you, crochet a rainbow afghan that will fit over my barbeque. It did snow twenty years ago!

cookiecrumb said...

Chilebrown: You don't take your barbeques indoors during the winter? Hm. Oh, well. OK.

kudzu said...

You sho' nuff brightened my day...or I guess it's evening, now. I'm so old I don't keep up with the time.

When you find out about Elder Services, let me know, because I could use some of those.

Meanwhile, let us retreat to retro and do it in the most sustainable, organic yadda-yadda way we can.

Zoomie said...

FaceTube! God, I love you!

Kailyn said...

Old is when you go to Hometown Buffet for dinner. At 4:30. Therefore, you can't possibly be old. Me? Well let me get back to working on that knitted throw. And those two quilts. And maybe I should pick up a few more cats. But you? Will never be old.

Ms Brown Mouse said...

That's a beatiful salad. I must be old too, you can't see our fridge for free, tacky magnets (and some not free, pretty ones too).

eatclosetohome said...

I'll have you know that in my mind, you're perpetually 35.

cookiecrumb said...

Kudzu: By Jove, sugarplum. Oldy-old-old. Isn't it a corker?
You'd be pleased to know the ketchup was saved from Weezy's. Next time I'm making my own.

Zoomie: I love you too! After I invented FaceTube, I had to Google it to see if I was original. NOT. :D

Kailyn: We went through an early-bird dinner scene right after Cranky retired. Finally got him back on a normal schedule. I think he was just bored.

Mouse: The question is, what do your magnets hold up? Ours are almost always for doctor and vet appointments. Old!

Eat: Me too! Although I was a terrible dresser at 35. xoxo (Wait! I still am. Whew.)

Greg said...

Old is a state of mind! It is funny I have been thinking about salad dressing lately. Been seeing "retro" dressings popping up all over the blogosphere.

cookiecrumb said...

Greg: Let me know if you come across any of the retro dressings. (Don't go to any trouble.) Fun!
I'm so old, my password is HerbertHoover.

Entwined Vines Jewelry said...

Alright, I feel old somedays even though I know old is not till you have lived at least 100 years (I worked elder care and this what I decided after working with amazing mature people for years) yet I resemble a lot of your day lol. Enjoy and keep livin' thats what I have to say!

cookiecrumb said...

Entwined: Doing what you like (if it's not unhealthy) keeps life worth living. Carry on!

Ms Brown Mouse said...

They don't actually hold up much at all, it's just magnets! Insane.

cookiecrumb said...

That's funny. Get alphabet magnets and write poetry.