Monday, July 02, 2007

I Like 'Em Big and Stupid

Yesterday wasn't much of a food day for me. I was cruising the Marin farmers market with a gaggle of pals, when a gut cramp struck.
I wasn't really suffering badly, but I didn't think it wise to remain in a public place while I sorted out the intestinal distress. Would I double over? Throw up? Something else? Ew.
So I went home and languished. Fasted right through lunch, which was like hitting the reset button. A good thing.
I was finally hungry for supper, and a fat, ripe avocado was an easy choice.
I once learned a recipe for a sauce to drizzle on avocado halves eons ago from an East Coast guy. Excuse me, but I think the West Coast has dibs on avocado recipes. (Well, excluding that bizarre avocado dessert from Sunset magazine.) Still, I gave the sauce a try a couple of times. I think it was called "Volcano Sauce" or "Dynamite Sauce," something like that.
And last night it just seemed like a fun, stupid thing to try again.
I don't know if I still have the actual recipe anywhere; I recall that it was one of those unit=unit=unit recipes. In other words, equal proportions of everything. The problem was remembering what the ingredients were.
Ketchup, yes. Worcestershire sauce, yes. Then. Um... Something sweet. Something hot. (See why this is an East Coast recipe? It so disrespects the avocado!)
So I winged it. There was a jar of Dijon mustard in the fridge that only held wisps of mustard. That would be a good mixing vessel. I squirted in some agave nectar. A little Tabasco. Some vinegar. The ketchup and Worcestershire (although not in equal proportions).
It tasted pretty good, for a stupid, weird thing to do to an avocado.
Cranky asked how I liked it.
"It's stupid," I said. "I think I just reinvented Heinz 57 Sauce."


Jennifer Maiser said...

I'm sorry you had to leave the market early. It was total chaos anyway and I missed you guys leaving.

This post makes me giggle, as I have a funny vision of trying to serve this to my Mexican grandmother -- I think that she would have zero tolerance for it.

Anita said...

Well, look on the bright side: If you ever -want- Heinz 57, now you know how to make it without all the chemicals. :D

Dagny said...

This guy was obviously friends with a former friend of mine. She is from the East coast and swore that she knew that she knew how to make guacamole. When she pulled out the jar of mayo, I just about fainted. Actually I stayed upright long enough to snatch the bowl away from her to save the poor little avocados. What did they ever do to her?

Pam said...

I have a similar recipe given to me by my Great Aunt Priscilla - she was from the East Coast, too. Weird combination but I liked it enough to ask her for the recipe many long years ago. Haven't made it since but it's in my file box somewhere! Aunt P served it as the salad course. Hmmm...

Greg said...

Big and stupid...raise hand. I hate to admit but that sounds good.

Marisa said...

When I was young and living in LA, we'd get grocery bags full of avocados from the neighbors. My mom often served them halved, with the center filled with italian dressing. I haven't had them that way in years, but I remember them being pretty darn yummy. These days I just eat them halved and salted, with a spoon.

Tea said...

Speaking of stupid guys:

When I was a teenager visiting colleges I brought avocados for a friend who was studying in Maine; they were the thing he missed the most from California. His roommate (Mr. Beacon Hill, Boston) wouldn't even try them! Said he had an avocado once in Mexico and it was "slimy." As that lug was 8th generation legacy at that particular school I decided then and there that if they liked people that dumb and unadventurous then I didn't need to go there.

Well, that and the lack of good avocados in Maine.

And the snowfall in October.

I like mine with soy sauce sprinkled on top. Umami yum.

Glad you're feeling better.

Chilebrown said...

Gut Cramps Suckk!!, I get them paying 4.00/pd for fava beans. Just kidding sort of. We will be hanging out Thursday. I miss aspargus!
Dijon, tobasco, vinegar,ketchup and worchestireshireshire sause,how can you go wrong.
"Big and Stupid" Yeahhhh

dancingmorganmouse said...

I prefer to keep it simple with avos, a little salt & pepper, a smidge of olive oil and a slurp of lemon juice - I'm not sure I could face your volcano sauce :)

katiez said...

Sometimes it's the weird our body craves... no explaining it, just got to go with it. You'll recover, the avocados will fogive you!
Mon mari likes to fill his with chili sauce...
Have you received your copyright infringement notice yet?

cookiecrumb said...

Jen: I apologize for the hasty exit!
So good to see you in your summery clothes and your red toenails.
Read Katie's comment for an even scarier thing to do with avocados.

Anita: If you read the labels of all the junk I used to concoct this, it would sound like a science lab.

Dagny: Have you ever heard of putting a little water in the guacamole? Avocados are fruit, and thus they have pectin. The sauce will thicken itself, and you seem to get "more."

Pam: It's probably a "real" recipe, in that I don't think the guy I got it from made it up himself. Shudder.

Greg: Yup. I ate both halves!

Marisa: That must have been pure luxury. My parents used to live on land that had formerly been an avocado orchard, and they had fruiting trees for years. I wonder if I could get a tree to grow successfully in Northern California.

Tea: Even now, I run into people who can't stand "reasonable" foods, like raw tomatoes. We must respect their gag reflexes, I guess. (But you're glad you didn't go to school there.)
I've never tried avocado with soy sauce. That'll be next!

Chilebrown: Of course it sounds good to you! It's steak sauce. :D
We'll look for you Thursday.

DMM: I don't even think they need oil, but a squirt of lemon and a sprinkle of salt -- heaven.

Katie: Your husband has fallen on the sword for me in this post! He officially outdid me in weirding-up an avocado. And I thank him.

Dagny said...

Water makes sense. Mayo doesn't. Thanks for the tip. And I like DMM's version.

Pam said...

My ex-inlaws did grow an avocado tree from a pit in NOCA (San Carlos) and it attained full size and fruited - but was killed after several years by one of those deeper frosts. You might try a dwarf variety if they grow faster - the tree is the dwarf, not the fruit.

Stacie said...

I like 'em big and... wait for it... real dumb! As always, the '80s musical references are as good as the food...