How to Cook Beans, A Simple Recipe

1) Make friends with Dr. Biggles.
2) I mean really good friends. Food-swappin' friends.
3) See if you can drop by Meathenge Labs on a smoking day. You'll know you're getting close to his house from the little twitch your nose starts making when you're still a few blocks out.
4) It would be ideal if Biggles is smoking these crazy pork rib-thingies with the strange gizmo-shaped bones. And that dry spice rub? Oh yeah.
5) Take home the bones. You already ate the meat.
6) Brew the bones in some water with herbs. Take deep, appreciative breaths (it's cleansing; think "om").
7) Watch the water turn dark and murky and idiotically smoky (this picture was taken at about the 5-minute stage; more transmogrifications were yet to come).
8) Cook some dried white beans in this water. C'mon, ya moron, you know how to do that. A little salt and pepper. Don't add anything tomato-ish until the beans are tender. I tossed in a couple of diced carrots, a little chopped chard, a sploosh of olive oil. Didn't need any onions.
9) Pull out those crazy gizmo bones and see if any little bits of meat want to be scraped back into the pot. I got lucky.
10) Gosh, I hope I get to try this simple recipe again.