Thursday, June 01, 2006

Don't Vote for the Twinkie

Eat locally, and digest your local politicians jokally.
Californians are facing a primary vote next Tuesday, and for the life of me, I'm stumped as to who I'll choose to face Schwarzenegger in November's election.
Phil Angelides? I got to thinking about him, and all I could come up with was "a piece of beef jerky." I don't know why.
So I focused on Steve Westly, who can only be imagined foodily as something refined, processed. Say, a Twinkie.
See? That doesn't really help. I like beef jerky on occasion, but I wouldn't want to make a diet of it. I'm a lot less inclined to go for a Twinkie, though.
Wait. This could be working.
OK, checkbox Angelides.
My senator, Dianne Feinstein, is up for re-election. Given that her Democratic rivals in the primary are a pair of unknowns, you could say she's practically running unopposed. So I have little choice but to vote for the prunecake. Yeah, that's how I feel about her. Shrivelly, prim, somewhat laxative (well, she makes me head for the head; I don't know about you). She thinks she's good for me, but I've come to dread her. What to do? Grin and bear it, I guess. I'd almost rather have castor oil.
My representative, Lynn Woolsey, is also up for re-election, and it's starting to look like a bad ride for her. After seven terms in Congress with little legislative success to show for her time in, this can of garbanzos may get voted out in favor of challenger Joe Nation (his real name), who reminds me of a piece of buttered toast. Whole wheat.
Ding! Checkbox Nation.
Wow, maybe this really is helping.
OK, now, state attorney general. Longtime pol Jerry Brown, former governor of the state and most recently mayor of Oakland, is facing the charming and cocky Rocky Delgadillo. A granola bar against a can of olives. Ohgod. Feeling confused. Both are experienced lawyers. Uhhh. Nature Valley vs. Lindsay.
Dang. Checkbox Brown. If only Delgadillo had reminded me of a jar of cured olives, instead of those soggy brown things in salt water. And to tell the truth, I'm not sure if I've ever even eaten a granola bar. Sigh.
There are a lot of other courses on the ballot (side dishes, salads, sauces — I mean Secretary of State, Lieutenant Governor, Insurance Commissioner), many of them not well known by me. I'll have to haul out the menu and give it a good going-over before next week.
Burp.
I promise not to vote on an empty stomach.

11 comments:

Dagny said...

LOL. I was just going through the Angelides vs. Westly debate at work this afternoon, except I used the chart here. Angelides ended up winning out in my book. As for Brown vs. Delgadillo, well this article helped me to decide that matter. To me this is stuff that you shouldn't even need to lie about, if you are compelled to lie. Sheesh.

cookiecrumb said...

Oh, whew, I'm glad we're on the same, uh, menu pages. :D
(Why, that lyin' can of olives!!)

Kalyn said...

Hey, you should count your blessings. Think of who my senators are. Orrin Hatch. Yuck. At least I have a good representative.

And (I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) at the state level, I have a lesbian representative and a gay senator. In Utah. How could this happen. (It's because I live in what we lovingly call *the central liberal belt*) But I think my senator isn't running again.

Passionate Eater said...

I thought that Warren Beatty would be running. Sigh. We need someone to beat Ahn-ald.

cookiecrumb said...

K: Orrin Hatch. :(
PE: You're glad Warren Beatty didn't run. He gave a graduation speech last year at SF State, and he has a shrill, strange voice... he meandered off into real weirdness. Terrible speaker.

Kevin said...

CC,
The sad thing is that even if literacy tests were legal you'd get to vote.{belch}

Seriously, though, the last time I voted happily for someone it was Al Gore for senator. He was a great senator (and makes a pretty damned good former, future president). Gore is oatmeal -- really good oatmeal, but still oatmeal.

sfmike said...

DiFi has always given me indigestion, and her husband, Richard Blum, is essentially a criminal. Please vote for ANYONE else, even a Republican, before Pruneface with the Plastic Surgery. She's truly awful.

Dagny said...

I came across yet another interesting counter in the sidebar of a blog this morning.

Greg said...

I like your system better than my eenie, meenie, minie, Moe.

Erin S. said...

just a note on woolsey--she was one of the first dems to lead an organizing effort to truly pass some "get out of iraq" legislation and has been working it non-stop for the past few years, in a fairly strategic way. If you're of a mind to impeach the prez, this woman is one of few in the House on your side.

cookiecrumb said...

Thanks, Erin. I'm aware of her legislation, and I acknowledge that she is a liberal, which makes this decision a hard one.