Monday, April 17, 2006

He's Cranky and He Eats

Cranky might start his own blog, so I'm giving him a test run here. He's not mad, and not even so cranky, but he definitely eats. Truth is, he does most of the cooking, too.

Me here, Cranky. First, allow me to say one thing: Hooray, it's mayonnaise season.
The sun finally came out here in Northern California, and I unfolded the deck chairs and unscrewed the top of the mayonnaise jar. It was time for the first avocado and mayonnaise sandwich of spring. Of course, it was Best Foods brand, none of that precious, homemade Cuisinarty mayo for me. I like the jar stuff because it reminds me of spring and summer when I was a lad and all it took to qualify as a gourmet was not buying Miracle Whip.
Ah, spring, and I'm entering my own personal fall, if not winter. Here's how I learned that.
Shortly after I took early retirement, I started shopping at Longs, a discount drug store that also sells any foodstuff with a shelf life longer than than those likely to buy it. Seeing in the paper that Best Foods mayo and Chicken of the Sea were marked way down, I headed for Longs as soon as it opened on the first day of the sale. The scene inside was AARP meets NASCAR, with grayhairs banging shopping carts to get to the mayo and tuna.
Ten minutes into the sale, and the mayo was all gone. It dawned on me that old people live on mayo and tuna. My own sunset also dawned on me. After ramming two grannies to get the last four cans of tuna, I managed to escape with what's left of my life, and congratulate myself for being able to buy mayo at full price. It's worth it, if you can afford the avocado. Screw the tuna, avocado is easier on the gums.
Back over to you, Cookie. I'm all blogged down.

21 comments:

michelle said...

Cranky: Ha ha ha! Welcome to blogging! I can only hope that someday I'll be able to beat grannies away from the tuna and mayo in Longs (ah, I miss Longs...) like you - shouldn't be too long now, I just turned 28 ;) Glad you two are finally getting some sun - now just send some MY WAY to Oregon!!

Cookie: You better yet? I hope so.

mrs d said...

I like the jar stuff because it reminds me of spring and summer when I was a lad and all it took to qualify as a gourmet was not buying Miracle Whip.

Ahahahahahah! I'm sending Chopper over here. He was raised on Miracle Whip and still threatens me with buying it. ::shudder::

By the way, Cranky. I'm stealing your name today. I hate tax forms, I do.

Greg said...

Best Foods and Cranky Rock!!Cranky would you be my wingman at Trader Joe's? I feel like I'm on the bumper car ride there sometimes.

anni said...

Best Foods - aka Hellman's East of the Mississippi.

Although chi-chi homemade mayo (aioli) is fabulous, spring and summer out of the jar works!

We skip the tuna and go for the Portuguese Sardines at Trader Joe's. Very light, yet flavorful. No heads or tails. Give it a try!

Tootles,
Anni
http://blissfulbanquet.blogspot.com

cookiecrumb said...

Michelle: Cranky is on a high! We send you sun and warm thoughts. (I'm doing a lot better, merci.)

Mrs. D.: Ooh. Sorry. Both for the MW and the taxes.

Greg: Cranky is flattered to fly on your team. He says stay away from the Thai chile and lime cashews. Stale napalm.

cookiecrumb said...

Anni: Oh! Thanks for the TJ's recommendation.
xx

Dagny said...

Cranky, I was trying desperately to remember the last time I was in Longs and then I remembered I was with my mother. She loves that place. Just can't get enough.

Now you're gonna make me go open a can of tuna. I got mine on sale at Safeway when they were having the 10 for $10 sale.

Kalyn said...

Tuna and mayo, two of my favorite foods. And I'm not even a granny.

I give Cranky an A+ on his first blog post.

kudzu said...

My grandmother made her own mayonnaise but there was nothing I liked better than a mayonnaise sandwich on white bread, nothing else, as long as it was Hellman's (Best Foods, here). At the risk of making you think I was really weird, the next favorite was canned pineapple slices -- with mayo -- on white bread, a Southern childhood special. I heard from a cousin last year that she was incredibly impressed because I had made us mayonnaise and dill pickle sandwiches when she visited from her home on the farm. I had no memory of it but she was convinced that's where my foodie instincts began.

Huzzah for mayonnaise, and welcome to blogging!

Tana said...

Cranky, you definitely need to blog more. You guys could do a tag-team mud-wrestling food blog.

(Mudpie-wrestling?)

I've made homemade a few times with varying success, and Best Foods is just fine with me...although, we do know that the eggs that go into it are not the healthiest on earth. Alas, it's true.

So, y'all are Mad and Cranky? Are those like your Seven Dwarf names?

: D

Catherine said...

Wow...I can really picture that!! Very amusing post, cranky. A little sunshine goes a long way!

Jamie said...

Excellent post, Cranky!

Should I mail you two a jar of Duke's so you can revel in its excellentness?

P.S. I still like Miracle Whip on toasted tomato sandwiches. Shh!

Kevin said...

Hmmm.... An insouciant little post with hints of tuna and Chrysler. I detect a note of Pepto Bismol as well. The unusually long rainy season has clearly had some affects on the crop and it is perhaps a tad young, but, nevertheless, is certainly readable now. I give it an 89.

barbie2be said...

avocado and mayo sandwich? yum... you really should try the gourmet sandwich of mayo (best foods of course) and dill pickles on sliced white bread!

cookie's mom said...

Congratulations to my favorite son-in-law, very good post, Cranky dear. We hope you'll be doing it often.

cranky said...

You mean you just write some nonsense about mayonnaise and a whole bunch of people leave nice comments? Oh, I could so get into blogging. Thanks everybody.
Let's see, hmm, peanut butter? What do I have to say about peanut butter...
Come see over at cunningtrap.blogspot.com in a few days.

plentyo'moxie said...

watch out cookie! cranky is giving you a run for your money!

B and I gave up American food for Lent and all I wanted on Easter was tunafish on cheap white bread. With potato chips smushed in at the last minute. and of course, nothing but hellman's. pb&j is next. (also with potato chips smushed in.)

cranky said...

P o' M: I know, he's scammin' me.
OK, here's my mayonnaise sammich, disregarding the childhood sammich (at the age of five years old or so, of mustard and mannaze on white bread): Peanut butter and mayonnaise. Potato chips optional, but good. Banana slices even better.

cookiecrumb said...

Po'M:
Whoa! What I find dizzying about this Internets thing is that my computer thinks it knows who I am... and at the time it thought I was Cranky, I was actually Cookie. So the above comment is from me. Not him. Same computer, though. Heh.

farmgirl said...

LOL, that was a great read--and I used to LOVE shopping at Long's. But the best part of the post has to be that amazingly delicious looking photo. Oh do I need an avocado now. : )

cookiecrumb said...

FG: If there was an earthquake here, probably the best place to be stranded would be Longs.
BTW, the reason we're devouring avocados is that they'll be off limits for the Eat Local Challenge in a few weeks... sniffle.
I'm loving your lambing season tales.